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Niels Saunders
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Grand Theft Octo Kindle Edition

by Niels Saunders (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.0 4.0 out of 5 stars 74 ratings
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A dark satire about the world's most unusual businessman

When Jonathan Doe is fired from his office job for stealing too much stationery, he becomes an entrepreneur of businesses the world has never seen. Professional plant-waterer, freelance taxidermist—he’ll try anything.

After a disastrous start, he moves onto professional octopus teasing. Will he fail again or make his fortune? Is he really a professional or just a con artist? Desperate to succeed, his plans become more outlandish, from stealing theme park mascots at gunpoint to fighting deranged restaurant tycoons.

As the enemies he makes seek revenge, both his life and business are threatened, until his world spirals into mayhem and violence. Set in the fictional city of Vestibue, England, Grand Theft Octo is a wild and hilarious ride that strikes at the heart of aspirational culture.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    193 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publication date
    May 5, 2017
  5. File size
    1924 KB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
  9. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Inventive, amusing and vastly original. A rollercoaster in terms of plot ups and downs and emotions. Saunders can go from the height of mirth to a dark night of the soul in one page." - Tommy Dooley, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer
"There is more than a hint of works like "Clockwork Orange", with humor, the mundane, psychotic nastiness, and the inexplicable all mixed together in an unnerving but fascinating and compelling fashion. This is a rewarding, entertaining, keen, wise, and exceptionally well crafted novella. A wonderful find." - Pop Bop, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer

"Saunders has raised the concept of anti-hero to an art." - Donna Daitchman, author

"Johnathan Doe is one of the most fascinating characters I've ever come across." - J. Cassidy, author

"Grand Theft Octo is Elmore Leonard meets Carl Hiaasen" - Cat Ellington

"A satisfying and brilliant read that is so skilfully written it will take you away from reality for a long time after you've read the last page." - AnnMarie Wyncoll, author

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B071V8XRQC
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Imperial Press (May 5, 2017)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 5, 2017
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1924 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 193 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.0 4.0 out of 5 stars 74 ratings

About the author

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Niels Saunders

Niels Saunders

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Niels Saunders wrote his first book when he was sixteen and hasn't stopped since. Born in Cambridge, he grew up in Devon and has lived in Canterbury, Brighton and Tokyo. He loves to write in many genres including fantasy, thriller and comedy. His short stories have been published in Ambit and Chapman magazines, and he was awarded a distinction for the Creative and Critical Writing MA at the University of Sussex. When he's not writing or reading, you'll find him smoking meat, watching films or playing video games. His nine-book epic fantasy series, The Legend of Saru, was finished in 2024.

Customer reviews

4 out of 5 stars
4 out of 5
74 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Elton Jim
5.0 out of 5 stars The words made some sense, I guess
Reviewed in the United States on August 27, 2017
Verified Purchase
I thought this book was just terrible. My friend mervyn liked it but it's just not my style. I hope mr. Saunders picks up his game by next book
X Dennis
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Montzalee Wittmann
4.0 out of 5 stars Totally crazy but good
Reviewed in the United States on March 9, 2018
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Grand Theft October is a book for those with a strange sense of humor...that's me! Jonathan Doe is a very weird fellow and gets fired for stealing from work...her stole staples, pens, paper...and constantly flushed the toilet, yep, he is different. His friends are just as different. He tries jobs he is not qualified for and knows it but doesn't care. It gets him into strange situations. The arch villain is also weird. A crazy but clever story for the odd.
One person found this helpful
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Gwenshuman@gmail
3.0 out of 5 stars Dark humor
Reviewed in the United States on March 11, 2018
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If you are a fan of dark humor, this book is for you. Johnathan Doe is a sociopath. He is a liar and a thief. When he loses one job, he advertises himself as something else. This is a litany of his reinventions and the trouble that finds him.
One person found this helpful
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KJ
5.0 out of 5 stars Compare to Chuck Palahniuk!
Reviewed in the United States on October 3, 2017
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This book had me intrigued throughout its entirety! I would compare Saunders' style of writing to the work of Chuck Palahniuk. If you like weird, you will love this book!
One person found this helpful
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Reesha Rugroden
4.0 out of 5 stars Well written, gets kinda dark
Reviewed in the United States on June 11, 2017
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I really enjoyed the first part of this book for its writing and humor. By the time things turned serious, I was too invested to stop reading. I kind of wish I was warned about the more serious things that happen, but then I might have never read it.
It's really a good story and well told. Just, make sure you read it when you're not feeling fragile. I'll definitely be looking forward to more books by this author.
4 people found this helpful
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lindyhoppr
5.0 out of 5 stars A bunch of fun.
Reviewed in the United States on May 20, 2018
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Great story, interesting characters. It is a bit dark, but I really liked the ending and the character growth. Nice.
One person found this helpful
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K. E. Griffin
3.0 out of 5 stars If you are expecting a Christopher Lamb-like tale...This isn't it.
Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2017
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest and voluntary review. The beginning of the book is funny and quirky and occasionally hard to follow. Then it just stays a confusing mess for the middle half of the book. There were a few times that I considered not finishing the book and sending my regrets back. I stuck it out and the last quarter or so of the book definitely had some redeeming qualities. I guess I was expecting something closer to a Christopher Lamb story, but this didn't quite meet that level of humor for me.
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Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A fun and quirky read
Reviewed in the United States on June 30, 2017
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The title drew me in the story kept me. I highly recommend this book and look forward to more from this author.
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Dan C.
5.0 out of 5 stars Author teases out another cracker.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 22, 2017
Verified Purchase
Like an idiot, I've left it until well after finishing Grand Theft Octo to submit my review. I felt compelled to write one though, as even if some of the details are now a bit hazy, this book is thoroughly deserving of praise. The humour here, and of Mr. Saunders' debut novel, is what I get a big kick out of. It's sharp, dark and comes at you in enjoyably healthy portions.
The gist (as I remember!) is thus: Jonathan Doe is a philanthropic fella who takes on or invents unusual jobs. He manages to blag and sell his new found/self created skills to people!e who believe they can benefit from his service, such as the insane and wonderful idea of octopus teasing. This business seems to have legs (hee hee) only the idea and business is ruthlessly stolen by the verbally brilliant crap storm Lewis Caputo; a man who really puts the cock in cock-sure. He's a little like Adam Braithwaite (from the author's debut novel Mervyn vs Dennis) only willing to do everything in his seemingly limitless power to take what he wants, truly by any means necessary. There are other great characters ,as you come to expect from this author's books and a fascinating twist revealed right at the end. I may be doing this book a disservice by writing a review so long after reading it - but I've been busy ok! But it deserves to be championed and I eagerly await the next one, as relentless humour, like we get from Niels' first two novels, is scarce in books from any era. So, bravo I say to this fine piece of work , and once again I salute this fine author.
2 people found this helpful
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Jacey Em
4.0 out of 5 stars Just a great silly and fun read
Reviewed in Canada on April 4, 2018
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A thoroughly unlikable protagonist becomes a sort of likeable hero. Just a great silly and fun read!
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Leigh
5.0 out of 5 stars Like being hit with a hammer wrapped in a soft, fluffy blanket.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 18, 2017
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What starts of as a fun trip to crazy town takes a dark turn into horrified fascination. Jonathan Doe is a con-man selling whatever it is you're willing to buy, be that an assurance your plants will be fine while you're away or that your octopus is in dire need of teasing. He's brimming with self-assurance, fun, insane and somehow manages to bend the world to his will while at the same time failing hugely in whatever he's doing.
The failing part is largely due to Caputo, the hotdog in the middle. Just as in what happens to the story, Caputo will take all your fun and crazy and twist it into something unpleasant and violent.
Jonathan Doe is charming and funny, at first appearing superficial but as he reels from one situation to another it becomes clear there's more to him than meets the eye, while at the same time he continues to be... well, superficial.
2 people found this helpful
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Johnzxr
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny and surreal. A book that draws you into places you couldn't know exist
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 23, 2017
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You've probably never heard of octopus teasing as a career choice and yet this wholly ludicrous profession is brought to life by Saunders in this highly funny book. With his genuinely unique ability to bring the ridiculous to life The author tells the story of an episode of Mr. Doe's hapless life and a circle of bizarre friends and the larger than life character of Caputo, the hotdog in the centre. The story ranges widely from the absurd (picture a grown man riding a pink child's bike with an octopus on his shoulder- of course!) to some quite dark places, drawing you along effortlessly through the unpredictable twists and turns.

Unusual, funny and a great read.
2 people found this helpful
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PJ Bookish
3.0 out of 5 stars 📚📚📚📘
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 14, 2018
Verified Purchase
The first half of the book was a bit daft and I started to wonder where the story was going, but I'm glad I didn't give up as the second half totally made up for it, becoming very strong and emotional.
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